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Today, we’re talking about a topic many people really don’t want to talk about…Suffering.
But, here’s the truth, whether we live with a chronic illness, a disabling injury or not, we can all be subject to suffering. Especially if we aren’t mindfully aware of our thoughts, words or actions, free from judgement or criticism.
So, if you’re ready to follow me down this rabbit hole, to find out how to ease your own suffering, let’s go…
We All Experience Suffering
Recently, I haven’t just been struggling, I’ve been suffering with my traumatic brain injury and PTSD.
And symptoms of severe PTSD, such as chronic hyperarousal ( a heightened state of alert after trauma), has been taking hold of me physically, mentally and emotionally.
For the last two years, I’d been mindfully rooting myself in our new home. I’ve been learning to regulate myself by enjoying nature and watching cows parade past our back porch, so I could heal. But, now my sympathetic nervous system has been activated, and it’s on pretty much 24/7 all over again.
I long for my quiet, peace filled home. I long for the ability to wake up at my own pace, mindfully practice yoga, cook for myself, spend time with my family, tend to my plants outside, and enjoy all of nature around us.
But it’s no longer there.
What kind of suffering do you experience?
It’s now a massive construction site, with trucks uprooting trees that are older than many of the vehicles operators, infringing on the homes of gopher turtles ( an endangered species), eagle nests, deer homes and more.
And I am left fleeing from my home as well. Forced to be living in my car from 8 am to 6 pm daily, while they work from sun up to sun down, and I’m left finding parks to hide in. All because my nervous system is so highly activated, that being in public is too overwhelming.
What Does It Mean To Suffer?
Suffering is when we’re dissatisfied or discontent with things as they are, and desire them to be different.
There are many kinds of suffering according to the Buddha. Some of them include…
Suffering of neglectSuffering of povertySuffering of hunger and thirstSuffering of homelessnessSuffering of violenceDiscrimination
These are considered the suffering of suffering, or outer suffering according to the Buddha, and at some point, each of us have experienced a form of outer suffering in our lives.
If we’re alive, there will be some sort of suffering, whether it’s physical suffering, mental suffering, or the suffering of impermanence ( other wise known as resistance to change).
Suffering is just part of our human experience. Or, discontentedness is part of our human experience, if you don’t like the word suffering.
I’m sure if I asked you how you may be suffering, or discontented right now, you may tell me about your physical pain, your sorrow or grief, your worries. You may tell me about difficult it is being separated from your loved ones and that you miss them, or how you’ve been grasping for a goal you keep falling short of reaching on your healing journey.
Whatever it is, there’s been a change. What you once took for granted and thought of as permanent, is no longer, and it’s left you feeling unsettled.
Resistance to change is natural too. Especially when we find comfort or enjoyment from things the way they are.
What is the suffering of impermanence?
Simply put, it’s when things in our lives change, but we want things to remain the same.
We want pleasure of the familiar to stay, so we cling to it, which is how we create our own suffering.
Things change because change is part of nature. And the nature of life, is change.
Universally, we prefer pleasure to pain. We tend to believe that when things remain the same, there is pleasure. But the nature of living is change, and evolution depends on our ability to adapt to those changes.
There are changes we ( basically) accept-such as the change in weather, the change in seasons, and how babies grow to become adults.
But change also occurs as we gain new knowledge making our minds change; We learn lessons and our decisions change; We learn more about another person and our relationships change.
Everything goes through change.
Going with the flow, adapting to change, can help us heal.
Clinging to what’s familiar, resisting change, even if it’s no longer seen as pleasurable, will create suffering for ourselves.
All because we’re clinging to an idea of what it “should be”, instead of acknowledging the truth of the present moment.
As I navigate not being able to live in my own home due to all the massive destruction, I mean construction, in the cow pasture behind my house, I am learning to adapt. I miss the cows. I miss the quiet. I miss the abundance of nature. But trying to stay in my home and waiting to leave until I am activated, doesn’t create a stable place for me to heal.
So I created a new routine. Now, when I leave for the day, it’s on my terms. I get my cooler set up with food and drinks, I bring my yarn for crocheting, my books and tarot cards, and I go to a special park that is 40 minutes away.
It’s a place I can reconnect to what brings me better health, inner peace and mental ease. I can immerse myself in nature there, and when the weather becomes cooler, I can walk around and enjoy my surroundings. I can receive all the benefits of mindful eco-therapy and continue to practice my own Mindful & Intuitive Self-C.A.R.E.
Suffering can look like many things, but according to the Buddha, our attachment to what we crave is the root of all suffering.
In order to alleviate my suffering, I needed to adapt. To go with the flow of life. My mind, choices and routine needed to change after what I learned. There was disappointment, there was a sense of loss. And yet, there is still great beauty in life.
But when we cling to our expectations of the familiar, we miss out on that beauty, and new pleasures, in each new moment.
When we cling to the idea that we can remain unchanged, it means we’re attached to it. Over the years I’ve needed to explain this to many women because they were convinced they weren’t attached to any specific idea of how they should be. But after a bit of conversation, they quickly learned they were attached, hard and fast, to a lot more than they previously believed.
We want our body’s, our mind’s and our situation to remain consistent and familiar. We crave stability, predictably, a sense of security, and something that we can hold on to that will last forever.
When women go through menopause, it affects our reproductive system and endocrine system, as well as our skeletal system, muscular system, and the nervous system. We experience hot flashes, weight gain, mood imbalances, mental fogginess, loss of energy, increased anxiety, depression and more… all while attempting to remain tops in our fields and be seen as beautiful according to social standards.
Every day we’re experiencing changes we may not be aware of…
Although menopause is a natural change in a woman’s life, it’s still a change that we need to adapt to, and one many of us fight against. We’re no longer comfortable in our body’s, we no longer feel like the youthful sexy person we’d grown to know over decades of living in this body.
Our intestinal lining replaces itself every 5–7 days ( called the epithelium)Our skin cells replace itself every 2–3 weeksOur brain’s neurons can regenerate ( called neurogenesis)We age, gain and lose weight, and much more.
We are, by nature, are impermanent.
And aging affects both men and women. Our body’s, mind’s, emotions and energy levels naturally change. Leaving many of us grasping for who we once were, and buying whatever we can get our hands on to keep that familiar youthful, energetic and vital feeling.
Change brings vulnerability.
There are trillions of cells in our bodies, and the ones we have today, aren’t the same ones we had a few months ago…
For some of us, these changes bring a certain buzz of anxiety into the background of our lives. An anxiety that may leave us feeling insecure, unstable, uncertain and fearful of what will happen next.
You can join me in a Metta meditation by clicking HERE.
Change brings resistance, and a desire to fight against it. Especially when it involves changes we aren’t comfortable with, or ready for, which is natural. But this desire for things to stay the same, can create our suffering.
Compassion practices, such as Metta meditation, or the practice of loving-kindness, offers us a sustainable solution. And when living out of my car these days, since the construction behind my home causes me neuromuscular, cerebral and emotional challenges, you better believe I’m practicing this daily!
I like to place my hands on my heart, and repeat this phrase 36 times, 3 times daily, for a total of 108 times.
Here we can offer ourselves compassion, tenderness, and embody the notion of what it would be like to be free of this suffering we are clinging to.
Here, we acknowledge that people we know, are also suffering with many of these things as well. So we offer them living kindness too. Because we all deserve to be liberated.
May I be peace filledMay I be safeMay I embrace change with ease and grace May you be peace filledMay you be safeMay you embrace changes with ease and grace
What we both came to understand, is that this feeling of hypervigilence changes in how it reveals itself, how it affects our lives, and how we think about ourselves.
Sometimes I’ll include “May we be peace filled, may we be safe, may we embrace changes with ease and grace” at the end to tie it together, as we are all connected.
This can help us welcome in all the feelings and emotions that arise with changes, instead of struggling against change, and help us to simply become part of our present moment experience-which liberates us from suffering.
But, no matter how erratic and chaotic it can be, it would be wise to befriend it, instead of try to stuff it down, ignore it or fight it. There is a wound there that would benefit from loving kindness and compassion.
I encourage you to find a safe space where you can reflect on these questions, maybe with a journal at hand to make some notes, and be truthful with yourself.
Because life is impermanent. And this relationship we have with ourselves can shift and change. When we flow with impermanence, slow down, and breathe into each new moment, we can suffer less.
We can free ourselves from the mental prison, we would otherwise create…known as suffering.
When you tune in to yourself from a space of non-judgmental awareness, how are you suffering?
I’d love to hear from you!
What is the cause of your suffering? What are you attached to, or clinging to, that you don’t want to change?
What do you imagine would be the benefit of giving it its freedom, so you could enjoy pleasure in the present moment?
As always, the divine light within me, honors the divine light within you.
Originally published at https://mindfuldinajoy.substack.com.
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Are You Resisting Changes? was originally published in Mindful Mental Health on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.