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There are a lot of stereotypes surrounding mental strength.
Most of them are about the idea that in order to be mentally strong, you have to always be happy or immune to negative emotions.
In reality, it has more to do with maintaining a strong sense of self and making sense of your emotions, whatever they may be.
To understand what mental strength is, it might help to learn about what it isn’t. Here are 8 things mentally strong people don’t do.
1. They Don’t Bottle Their Emotions
To understand this, we need to think about what bottling our emotions actually means and why we do it. According to psychologist Leon Seltzer, hiding emotional pain comes from a place of fear. We may fear judgment, ridicule, or social rejection, but choosing to hide our emotions might lead to strong, unresolved feelings with lasting effects. Fear and mental strength have a complex relationship. Mentally strong people tend to acknowledge, accept, and actively work through their fear. They don’t let it get in the way of life.
2. They Don’t Live in the Past
Whether they’re big or small, regrets don’t escape anyone. You may find that you tend to dwell on your regrets. For mentally strong people, they know to let go of what they can’t change before their thinking becomes obsessive. Being remorseful is a good thing. Thinking about the past in a healthy, productive way is great because it lets us grow into our best selves, but when that thinking turns into rumination or unwarranted guilt, it becomes unhealthy.
3. They’re Not Easily Influenced by Others
Being easily influenced by others speaks largely to having a weak sense of self. Mentally strong people are not ones to follow crowds or jump on bandwagons because they’re firm in who they are. This isn’t to say that mentally strong people don’t listen and adapt to others. Instead, they understand that you should not let peer pressure drive your actions or beliefs, so they’re less likely to find themselves roped into something they aren’t comfortable with.
4. They Don’t Let People Overstep Their Boundaries
Mentally strong people are aware of their own boundaries, whether that be personal, professional, emotional, or anything else. Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of mental well-being. According to Jane Collingwood from Psych Central, the ability to set personal boundaries is directly related to having a high level of self-esteem. It’s important to understand that setting boundaries is not about being cold, distant, or dismissive. By making your boundaries clear, you can build and maintain healthier relationships. These boundaries allow your relationships with others to be more caring and supportive, without being emotionally draining.
5. They Don’t Stick to Their Own Perspectives
Even though mentally strong people have a strong sense of self, they’re still open-minded to other people’s perspectives. In fact, mentally strong people often re-evaluate their ideas and beliefs. The difference is that this re-evaluation is internal and based on newly acquired insights and perspectives, not peer pressure. Being open to new perspectives is healthy because it fuels growth and change. In order to become better people, we need to be receptive to the idea that there is a lot we don’t know and will never know. Mentally strong people not only accept this idea but embrace it, using each new perspective as a tool to better understand the world around them.
6. They Don’t Blame Others for Their Mistakes
Mentally strong people don’t play the blame game. They typically take ownership of their mistakes and decisions, recognizing that their emotions, thoughts, and ideas are their own, rather than trying to blame others for influencing them. Mentally strong people also avoid blaming others for self-pity. They have trained themselves to focus on progress and problem-solving, rather than dwelling on things out of their control, such as what or who might have put them in an unfavorable situation.
7. They Don’t Fixate on Perfection
Contrary to popular belief, mentally strong people are not perfectionists. They have a healthy view of failure and continuously learn from their mistakes. However, although they are not perfectionists, they do strive to become better. The difference lies in that they strive to become better in comparison to their past selves, not better in comparison to others. In order to grow, these individuals embrace failures and constructive criticism, viewing them as lessons rather than testaments to who they are as people.
8. They Don’t Dread Their Own Company
Do you dread, avoid, or fear being alone? For some people, time spent alone can be difficult because it invites loneliness, obsessive thoughts, and other insecurities to come to the surface. To mentally strong people, time alone is time to reflect, relax, and get to know themselves better. This is different from introversion, as mentally strong people don’t necessarily prefer or need time alone. It’s just something they take comfort in when it happens.
Did this article help you differentiate mentally strong people from others? Did anything surprise you, or can you relate to this article, or does this describe someone you know? Let us know in the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do was originally published in Mindful Mental Health on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.