Photo by Peter Burne on Unsplash
Feeling like you’re in a rut is a terrible one. What comes to mind when you think about the feeling?
For me, the following words come to mind: constriction, molasses, density, heaviness, boredom.
What exactly does it mean to be in a rut?
Dictionary.com defines being in a rut as: In a settled or established habit or course of action, especially a boring one.
Personally, if I were to succinctly describe it, I’d say it’s a feeling of being stuck. But what does feeling stuck even mean? To feel stuck means you cannot move. But where are you trying to move to?
You can only feel like you’re stuck if there is somewhere you desire to go, but are not. You must want to be elsewhere or be doing something else, something that you are not currently doing — maybe something you are holding off on doing — to feel like you are in a rut.
And I am specifically using the word feeling, instead of being, because in reality, no one is ever actually stuck. We have free will to act and move as we wish, for the most part. (I want to be sensitive to the prior statement; this would not include individuals or groups of people who live in structures that condemn free will for one reason or another.)
Powerful questions to start
In my experience, being in a rut means I am forgoing doing the things that make me feel excited and “alive”. There can be a few reasons why I forgo them. These questions help me start understanding my behaviors of not moving toward what I desire, or in other words, feeling stuck in a rut.
Am I holding myself back from doing the things I desire? What are they?
- Do I feel uninspired?
– Am I scared of doing those things? If so, what scares me?What would it look like to feel inspired?
– What does an ideal day look like? Where am I, what am I doing, who am I with…?What tasks excite me, even to the smallest degree, in my day-to-day life? What doesn’t excite me?
Feeling like there are things you want to do but for some reason aren’t, feels very disempowering. Fortunately, I believe we are empowered to change our course of being. It may not be easy, and it requires genuine effort. Genuine effort is important because sometimes our mind wants to be “right” and stay a victim to its circumstances. The irony here is that it is the mind that creates circumstances based on its perceptions. You and I could have similar lives, but depending on our lens, we would either complain or rejoice. Understanding this and being open and compassionate to how we may be wired is the first step before taking action.
The seven strategies
Here are some strategies that have helped me move away from the feeling of being in a rut. I don’t limit myself to doing one thing at a time, and would encourage anyone reading this to try a few of these out consistently and witness what transpires for yourself.
1. Practice Gratitude
Ugh, gratitude, again? Why do people always mention gratitude?
I hope those words didn’t come to mind, but I understand if so — it can feel like a cliché. But the reason gratitude is frequently brought up is because it shifts your thoughts and energy when you genuinely feel grateful.
Gratitude takes you out of your mind and drops you into your heart. When that happens, you break away from the stories your mind might be creating about where you are in your life or what you should be doing. You begin shifting your perspective both when committing to the exercise itself — starting to reflect on what you are grateful for — and when you complete the exercise — the resulting feeling of gratitude. Practicing gratitude is a way to shift into a different perspective and it may even make you question your feelings of being in a rut.
Why would that be?
Presence, which is what we experience with the gratitude exercise, helps eliminate any thoughts or stories that imply we need to be somewhere, or someone, different than what is current in the now. When we are present, the desire for something other than now does not exist. Because there is, in fact, only now happening.
Gratitude brings forth presence in the moment and feelings of the love you feel in your life. Appreciating the people or aspects of your life lifts your emotions to a higher vibration.
The beauty of expressing gratitude is that you can start small. For example, the ability to pay rent or other foundational things we may take for granted, like being able to walk or read these words. Eat when you’re hungry. The internet. The ability to get information easily compared to, say, our grandparents. There are many reasons that we can bring awareness to and feel gratitude for.
Isn’t it beautiful that you have access to do things you might overlook daily?
2. Commit to Doing Something New
Is there something that you’ve been wanting to try? A class or course you’ve thought about joining but haven’t yet? Or anything that you’re curious about but have not yet committed to doing?
Now could be the moment to pursue what could bring newness and curiosity to your mind. Our brains are literally wired to seek patterns, learn them, and then keep using the same neural paths over and over again (Pillay). No wonder we may become bored and experience flatness in our minds (and even in our lives) if we are constantly living similar experiences.
Committing to doing something new will require learning something new. Right off the bat, you’ll interrupt the habitual patterns of thinking and behaving, and make space for novelty. At first, your brain may be scared of the unfamiliar, but as soon as you start it will not be as scary. The result of doing something new is inner expansion. Not only that, what you are learning will likely invoke a sense of curiosity and enjoyment. And interestingly, curiosity is shown to be linked to greater happiness among humans (Campbell).
Doing new things can lead to new thoughts and feelings, obstructing the old patterns that led you to feel uninspired in the first place. A new way of being can emerge from a new way of doing. And with that, the “same old” inevitably wanes.
3. Address any Stuck Feelings
How does “being in a rut” make you feel? Notice without judgment. What are your thoughts and what emotions are tagged to them? Finally, a difficult but important question, do you believe any of the thoughts?
The truth is, we can often create stories about ourselves, which only make us feel crummy. If this doesn’t happen to you, congratulations (seriously), and feel free to skip this part (and drop me a line because I’d love to learn more about how you operate).
The judgments we hold about ourselves can stem from childhood or past experiences that we can no longer change. However, we can shift how we treat ourselves during negative judgments or self-talk.
After noticing your thoughts and whether they carry judgment, try to understand where they may come from. Feel it all, like you would a friend who was innocently and vulnerably sharing with you. After noticing any judgments, practice the compassionate self-forgiveness prompt below:
I forgive myself for judging myself for/as [self-judgment]. The truth is [the truth].
Or
I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that [judgment]. The truth is [the truth].
(These statements are derived from my coaching program at the Institute for Coaching Mastery with the founder Alyssa Nobriga.)
As an example, if I judged myself for not doing enough, I might say:
I forgive myself for judging myself as lazy. The truth is I am doing a lot in my life and just because I am not doing more does not mean I am lazy. The truth is that I need rest, too.
I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that I need to do more to be happy. The truth is my happiness is not based on my accomplishments.
Do a few rounds of forgiveness statements, and notice whether the relationship you experience with the judgment changes. Welcome everything that comes up, this will help accept all parts of you that may be creating negative judgments.
Alternatively, there is a Hawaiian prayer called Ho’oponopono that can be used. This prayer translates to: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. This simple prayer is a good option to use to compassionately forgive any judgments you’re holding onto.
4. Create Excitement with Current Tasks
One of the awareness questions posed at the beginning of the article was: What tasks excite me, even to the smallest degree, in my day-to-day life?
What came up for you? It might be something so simple as brewing a cup of coffee in the morning, a task you do at work, or connecting with your friends.
After reflecting on what that is for you, see if there is a way for you to look forward to that task. Is there a ritual you can create for the task before starting? For example, say you make coffee in the morning to enjoy drinking a hot cup. Instead of habitually getting the ingredients and utensils out, from a functional perspective, how can you delight in the creation of the coffee itself? What of the process can you bring joy to? Might that be a time of quiet contemplation before you start your day? Maybe you can pair reading a book for 10 minutes while you sip your coffee?
Each person might get excited about different possibilities, so notice what ideas come up for you and try them out without attachment to any outcomes.
5. Tackle the Low-Hanging Fruit
When you’re in a rut, it can feel disempowering and therefore can result in little motivation for doing anything. Maybe some strategies in this list sound way too much to try at this moment, which is okay. If it felt overwhelming, listen and honor your body’s response.
If that’s the case, it may be helpful to start with the low-hanging fruit or that which has been on the back burner for some time. It can be as small a task as taking the reusable grocery bag that has been sitting in the corner of the room and placing it in the closet. Maybe you have to take some clothes to the dry cleaners or reorganize that drawer full of knick-knacks. Pick whatever feels manageable and commit to that before allowing any self-deprecating thoughts to deter you from moving.
Start small, and start with one thing. Move your body and do it before you can convince yourself otherwise. Move the bag from the floor and into the closet. Boom. After you do any low-hanging task, celebrate it as a win. Pay attention to what came up afterward: joy, relief, empowerment, etc.
Perhaps the act feels so good that you decide to move on to another small task. Go with it. But if completing the task didn’t result in wanting to do more, then don’t hold any judgment. Celebrate what you did do, and notice how the celebration and completion feel in your body. You might even want to think about another easy task that can be done and schedule it on the calendar for a time that works well. When that day comes, complete the task. Then repeat your awareness after being done: notice how you feel and celebrate yourself.
Slowly you can start building trust with yourself by following through on the things you planned on doing. And if other emotions creep up, try visiting recommendation #3 in this list.
6. Connect with Others
Sometimes we can get self-absorbed, especially when the mind doesn’t stop its chatter and keeps telling us who we are, what we should do, what we shouldn’t do, etc. We become the storm, the storm of our thoughts, and we spin in circles. We spin around like a tornado. We can instead try to get out of the tornado’s vortex and go into its center, where it is still.
One way to do this is by reaching out to loved ones and making an effort to connect with them. At this thought the mind might start with “But if I see so-and-so they are just going to do that thing I don’t like.” That’s just another thought created from the tornado’s vortex. Pause, take a deep breath, and from the center, in the moment of stillness, see who you can reach out to who may bring you peace or joy.
It’s important to be around others that bring you, or a part of you, joy, a different perspective, inspiration, a good laugh, or whatever fills your cup. Talk to them about something outside of what you are going through. Be curious about the person. What are they up to? What are they going through in their life? What’s something exciting that they have done recently? Are they traveling? Or have they recently traveled? How was their experience?
Be curious and keep an open mind. Someone you speak to may strike a cord within you and make you realize something big or small in yourself. That cord may even spur excitement about life.
But let there be no attachment to an outcome. Reach out to enjoy connecting with others, become curious about them and what is going on in their lives, and simply be present with those you have love for.
7. Are you Living your Values?
This one on the list can sound a little loaded. However, I felt it was important to include because when we do things that are not aligned with our values, there is dissonance between our actions and our desires, which can cause dissatisfaction with life.
So, the big question to ask yourself is: Are you doing things that align with your deeper desires? If you don’t know the answer yet to this question, that’s okay. From my experience though, I find it important to uncover what drives me as an individual. I’ve done this exercise with myself, and I had so many “a-ha” moments as it helped me better understand my motivations. Once I knew what they were, I was able to structure my actions based on my values. And when I felt I was going astray, I could redirect to my “why” and reprioritize some of my commitments and be back in alignment.
This is how I think about this particular concept: you are the captain of your ship. Do you know it is your ship? Do you know how your ship works? Do you know where North, South, East or West is?
As the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland said: “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.”
When you know where you are going and why, it creates precision in your decision-making. When things feel off, it will be harder to understand why they feel off if you can’t understand your deeper desire or motivation. It’s like not having a manual for a toy that isn’t working properly, you can’t know how to troubleshoot or fix the problem.
In life, when living does not carry “aliveness”, you won’t know how to fix it or where to begin. You could try different things and they may work (like throwing darts on a board). But they may not work. If and when they don’t work, it will cause frustration because you are trying yet nothing seems to change.
This is why it’s important to understand your values: so that you can take action that will be directly aligned with what is truly important to you.
Wrap up
Feeling like you are in a rut is not fun, to say the least, but I believe we have the power to shift our experience. First, it’s important to understand why we feel like we are in a rut. Asking ourselves powerful questions can help get us closer to understanding our thoughts, while also providing insight on what we can do to spur us into action to live with more fulfillment.
Some of the techniques discussed in this article use the foundation of self-inquiry, mindfulness, coaching, and movement. As mentioned, self-inquiry helps provide self-awareness. When we mindfully observe our thoughts, we can better understand ourselves, and shift our perspective. Being mindful is different from overthinking and ruminating, it brings space and can therefore bring compassion. When we move into action before letting our thoughts impede action, we can find new inspiration and ultimately transform our initial dilemma.
If you are currently going through a rut and try any of these above with an open mind, I would love to hear your experience. Furthermore, if you want to chat and need help with anything on this list, feel free to reach out to me.
References
Campbell, Emily. “Six Surprising Benefits of Curiosity.” Greater Good Science Center, 24 September 2015, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_surprising_benefits_of_curiosity. Accessed 2 July 2024.
Pillay, Srini. “Can you rewire brain to get out of a rut? (Yes you can…).” Harvard Health, 14 March 2018, https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/rewire-brain-get-out-of-rut-2018030913253. Accessed 2 July 2024.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/rewire-brain-get-out-of-rut-2018030913253. Accessed 2 July 2024.
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