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We’ve all been there at some point. Dismissing our feelings so that they don’t get in the way of a work day. Trying to brush off sadness or anger because we don’t have time to deal with it, to avoid starting an argument, or maybe because of an underlying fear of what it might reveal.
But what if our emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones, aren’t nuisances at all? What if they are valuable guides, showing us how to get what we need to feel happy and fulfilled?
The truth is, our emotions and feelings are not random. They are the body’s way of communicating unmet emotional needs. Our emotions are physiological responses to things happening around us, but they can also surface when there isn’t an obvious external event to trigger them, especially if we have unprocessed emotions due to persistent unmet emotional needs.
Every time we resist our emotions and feelings, we miss the opportunity to reveal and address the unmet emotional need behind them. This leads these unmet needs to persist, causing our emotions to surface even more intensely later.
This is why learning to listen to our emotions and address our unmet needs is a key skill to not let them control us.
Why We Resist Our Feelings
Most of us have been conditioned to suppress or avoid difficult emotions. Society often glorifies being “strong” or “in control”, leading many to believe that expressing emotions like sadness, fear or frustration is a sign of weakness. As a result, we judge ourselves for feeling a certain way, pushing our emotions aside in favour of reason or distraction.
But what we don’t often realise is that this resistance to feeling is one of the biggest causes of emotional suffering. It’s not our feelings themselves that cause us pain — it’s our refusal to let them come out and speak their messages. When we fight against what we feel, we create an inner conflict that drains our energy and leaves us feeling disconnected from ourselves and the world around us.
What Our Emotions Are Trying to Tell Us
Emotions are messengers. Just as physical pain tells us that something in our body needs attention, emotional discomfort alerts us to our unmet emotional needs. If we feel anxious or afraid, it may be our need for safety or stability calling out. If we feel lonely, it could be our need for connection or belonging that is going unmet. Anger often points to a boundary that has been crossed, while sadness might reflect a deep need for understanding or compassion, or to the belief that we’ve lost something dear.
By paying attention to these feelings instead of pushing them away, we can start to uncover the emotional needs that lie beneath them, and it is an essential step for both emotional healing and personal growth.
How to Start Learning from Your Emotions
Embrace your emotions without judgement
The first step to learning from your emotions is to acknowledge them without criticism. Instead of telling yourself that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, remind yourself that all emotions are valid. Feelings are natural responses to your inner and outer world; they deserve to be felt and understood. Think of them as younger parts of yourself that need to be seen and heard.
Shift your self-talk
The language we use to talk to ourselves can make a world of difference. When we feel overwhelmed, our inner critic often takes over, telling us things like, “You’re being too sensitive” or “You shouldn’t be upset about this.” To shift from resistance to compassion, try changing your self-talk:
Instead of “There’s no reason to feel this way,” try “This is how I feel right now, and that’s okay.”Instead of “I need to find a reason for why I feel this way,” try “I’ll tune into my body — it knows what I need right now.”
Get curious about your feelings
Rather than seeing your emotions as something to get rid of, start viewing them as messengers. When an uncomfortable feeling arises, ask yourself, “What might this emotion be trying to tell me? What unmet need is it highlighting?”
For example, if you’re feeling frustrated or angry, it could be that your need for respect or autonomy is not being met. If you’re feeling anxious, it might be that you’re seeking reassurance or stability in a situation that feels unpredictable. By identifying these needs, you can begin to address them and move forward in a healthier, more constructive way.
Create space for your emotions without trying to fix them
It’s crucial to give yourself time and space to sit with your feelings rather than rushing to fix them. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, and journaling can all help create a safe space where you can fully experience your emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. Remember, emotions are temporary — they rise and fall like waves. By allowing them to move through you, you give them the space to complete their natural cycle.
Reconnect with your needs
Once you’ve identified the unmet emotional needs behind them, take active steps to meet those needs. This could be through setting boundaries, seeking support, or nurturing yourself in ways that align with what you truly need in that moment.
Embrace the Journey With Compassion
Learning to listen to your emotions and reveal the unmet needs behind them is not a quick fix — it’s a lifelong practice. But it’s one that will deepen your self-awareness, enhance your relationships, and bring you closer to the emotional freedom and happiness you seek.
At jornee, we believe that embracing your emotions is the key to emotional well-being. Our app was designed to help you reconnect with your unmet emotional needs, offering guided journaling prompts that lead you towards happiness through radical self-compassion.
This is because when we stop judging our emotions and start learning from them, we unlock freedom, authenticity, connection, and an overall more fulfilling way of living.
If you’re ready to embark on this journey and learn how to stop suffering from emotional resistance, then sign up for jornee.
Let’s learn from our feelings together, one step at a time.
Can’t wait? Then get my eBook Freedom Through Feelings: Reconnecting with yourself through your emotional needs. Here’s a free sample.
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How to Let Your Emotions Guide You to Happiness was originally published in Mindful Mental Health on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.